The Mississippi River kicked my ass! I sailed down the Illinois River blissfully unaware of the terror to come. I spent 3 nights at anchorages along the Illinois River. The current was strong, the jumping Asian carp were weird, and everything smelled like dead fish, but it was otherwise uneventful. The white pelicans are gorgeous!
The Grafton marina and the Alton marina are the last 2 marinas before a stretch of over 200 miles on the Mississippi review without access to shore. I stopped at Grafton, fueled up, filled my water, and ordered groceries to last me the next week. I had 2 extra 5-gallon jugs for diesel and crossed my fingers that I had enough fuel to last to Paducah, Kentucky. While I was there, I took a fun little ride up the gondola to a winery for lunch.
I left with C’est Bon and a few other loopers and honestly, I don’t even remember much of the day. I was white-knuckling the Mississippi the whole way. The current propelled me from my usual 8 miles per hour to 13 miles per hour. We went through the Mel Price lock and took the left of the four chambers. What a shitshow! The current was strong and the lock pushed the water from side to side. We waited outside the lock for 20 minutes or so until the lockmaster let us in. There were literally trees in the lock that I had to navigate around. The boat in front of me ran over it and had to get it unstuck from his boat before he could leave. Thankfully, I tied up to a bollard without incident and I held on until the gates opened.
We continued on down the chaotic Mississippi. The next challenge would be the Chain of Rocks lock. This section is notorious for eating boats if you go the wrong way. I was not interested in whitewater rafting down in my little Troll. Left, left, left! We passed a couple barges going down the narrow channel and ended up at the lock. There are two large chambers and the lockmaster was cranky, trying to coordinate 2 barges and a tour boat going northbound plus our little group of 5 pleasure craft going southbound. He finally let us in and I was happy to see that there was less debris. I headed for the starboard side which is much easier for me as a single-hander. My helm is on the right so I could manage the boat and then reach right out of the boat to grab the bollard. I heard angry yelling….”M’aam, M’aam!” (which in itself is irritating since they call the men Captain but me M’aam). I looked up and saw a worker 30 feet up on the wall yelling at me. I had to leave the helm and go out to see what was wrong. “Go to port!” Seriously??! No communication until I am in and then not even on the radio. I took a hard turn and moved to the port side. I lined the boat up in the current and tried to keep it steady as I left the helm and tried to grab the bollard. The boat moved instantly, of course, while the worker was yelling at me. I yelled back “I can’t hear you and I am single handing!” She yelled back “move up!” Why in TF do they not tell me this on the radio instead of making me leave the helm to listen out the port window. Completely ridiculous. I moved up to the next bollard which was stuck halfway up so there was no way at all I could even reach it. I yelled up ” I can’t reach it!” She was frustrated (but not nearly as much as I was) and said just float in the middle. I said “thank you!” and gave her a thumbs up (which was at least better than flipping the bird). I looked back and noticed that there were other boaters on the starboard wall. WTF!!! Shitshow x 100!!! It is truly a terribly managed lock, and I did not even feel bad about being cranky. I was just mad as hell.
I re-entered the madness of the Mississippi. Trees, propane tanks, a basketball, a door, dead fish, full-sized railroad ties floating just below the surface, and lots of general trash floated along with me. The tow captains do not give a crap whether you live or die and generally don’t respond when you call them on the radio. The red and green buoys that are generally used as aids to navigation (ATONs) get pulled under the current so you can’t see them until they pop up in front of you. Run over one of these and they will blow a giant hole in your boat. Oh, and the underwater wingdams made of riprap with unknown depth, so if a tow captain “runs you off the road” in a section with wingdams, you’re totally screwed. I am pretty sure I hit my keel on one, but it was either that or run into a tow pushing 20 barges. I could not use my heading hold at all that day to give myself a break because I was constantly dodging debris and barges.
I thought I had turned the video off when I pulled the camera back in the window, but I left it uncut because it accurately describes my sentiment at the time.
We passed the St. Louis arch on the way but there was no time to enjoy it. Thankfully, C’est Bon got a cool pick of The ‘Nati Nomad.
C’est Bon got to our anchorage earlier and reported a minimum depth of 30 feet. That is way deeper than either of us are comfortable with so our eight-hour day turned into a twelve-hour day of hell. We were headed for the Kaskaskia lock wall instead. I looked on Nebo to see who I knew on the wall to see if there was room. River Life and Slow Poke were both there and said there was room for one (C’est Bon) and I could raft up.
On the way there, as I was battling waves, watching for disappearing buoys, and dodging logs, a BIG boat (who I will refer to as AquaDick) came right up on my ass and they proceeded to fly by me, rocking me with a huge wake. Not even a courtesy call! I struggled to miss debris and manage the boat while their wake ripped me from side to side. What an arrogant prick! I assumed they were trying to beat us to the Kaskaskia wall, so I called C’est Bon and told them to kick it into high gear which they did. AquaDick got there and announced that they were a 58-foot boat and needed a spot on the wall. Little did they know that my looper friends had my back. No one answered so they tried to anchor. They were unsuccessful and left before I got there. When I arrived, several loopers came out to help me tie up and Slow Poke and Serenity Now fixed me a plate of dinner. I felt so loved! Loopers are the best!
We left early the next morning to battle the muddy Mississippi for a second day. It was more of the same. I noticed that AquaDick was anchored right outside the protection of the lock channel near the main channel of the Mississippi. There was another boat near them and they were standing on the bow. What were they doing? At the same time, I heard a Coast Guard call over the radio reporting a disabled boat near the Kaskaskia Lock. Ohhhhh, a bunch of shit from the river piled up on their anchor rode overnight and they were stuck. I am not generally a petty person but considering they kicked me when I was down the day before, I only felt slightly bad for them. I still didn’t wake them though!
One fun little nugget for the day was seeing my Utila dive buddy, Betty, in Cape Girardeau. She had been following my progress and knew I was close, so she walked out to the big city mural with a group of her friends to wave as I drove by. I wish I could have stopped to say hello and give hugs, but I didn’t even have a moment to take a pic and there was nowhere to dock. I tooted the horn and we gave air hugs. I went 6 hours that day and arrived at a lovely anchorage off the main channel in Diversion Canal. Man, did I need some peace. I rafted up to River Life with another 8 boats or so and fell into bed.
I planned to work the next day and then just go a few hours to another anchorage but while I was getting ready to untie from River Life to let them go ahead, we got a call from NautiSol. They are friends from Cincinnati and were looking out for us. “Why are you still there? You need to go now. There is a hurricane coming.” Not a moment’s rest! I adjusted my work schedule and did my engine check. I buddy boated with River Life on their Ranger Tug, and Leticia, another mighty little Camano Troll. Little boats rule!
We set our GPS to the anchorage near Olmstead Lock on the… OHIO RIVER! This was to be our last day on the nightmarish Mississippi River. OH – IO! I am not a fan of Ohio State University but it felt appropriate after the last 3 days. The videos below were taken 10 minutes apart. The first after passing the last barge on the Mississippi and the second right after making the turn up the Ohio.
Bald Eagles seem to show up when I need them most on this trip and I saw more than I could count right after I made the turn. I can see the Ohio River from my living room at home in Cincinnati so this felt familiar, like a little piece of home.
“It’s hard to beat a person who never gives up.” – Babe Ruth
To support the adventure or to track The ‘Nati Nomad’s progress, visit greatloop.thenatinomad.com.
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